Allan
Posts 166
|
Hi,
Your post has many important questions
1 how to teach skills other than taking the child through scenarios that are a problem.
2 How to respond to replies - I know already or Don't say these words
3 what about professional assistance
4 - other useful books
Answers
1 we can give a child many more learning and thinking experiences by consulting with them and sharing with them general day to day life experiences such as planning , problem solving , perspective taking , design thinking, sequential thinking ,consequential thinking that we use in day to day scenarios.
check the facebook discussion onteaching lagging skills http://www.facebook.com/pages/Boston-MA/ThinkKids/79698412474?ref=ts#/topic.php?uid=79698412474&topic=11521 . We can try and model the language of problem solving and dealing with frustration , talk about our experiences in using self talk - or even telling others - I am frustrated , I have this problem , I need some time to gather my thoughts and think it through.
4 Books by Myrna Shure are helpful in giving the child the language of problem solving , which is essentially the ability to ask questions. She has a book for 4-7 yo which might seem a little babyish but I found it useful , the book raising a thinking pre-teen is also relevant. For social skills try the Carol Grey stories.
3 A speech pathologist who is trained to help kids build their language processing skills could be helpful , I put mentors , older bothers , buddy-tutors here as well
2 An important part of CPS is the ability of a parent to get a conversation going and keep it going. In general we can use words like can you tell me more , I appreciate what you are saying but can you tell me more or when he says - I know already - what do you know already , how do you think what you know will help you , I can understand you saying I know already but it has happened to me that although I knew what to do because I was mad and frustrated I screwed up - do you know why this happens - you can explain that we have basically 2 brains - an animal brain and a thinking brain that does problem solving . The animal brain works very quickly - it puts us into the fight -flight mode and makes us emotional , if we want to think we have to put the animal brain to the side. People who are thinking and like to solve problems don't let the animal brain take the stage and if he does they put him on the shelf using different techniques.
When he says Don't say those words you can say I hear you are not so enthusiastic when I say those words can you tell me more
Maybe we should try to do some CPS with the child on why he refuses to engage in a dialog.
I have noticed that when I want to discuss things with you , you don't find the idea agreeable , can you tell me more
or
Sometimes you are not in the mood to talk , I can appreciate that , can you tell me more ?
here are some buffers to make the connection , validate feelings and empathize and to make an inquiry
I can appreciate that
I know what you mean… I’ve been there myself
I don’t blame you for feeling that way
Welcome to the club
I’m sure I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes
Inquiry buffers
May I ask ?
May I make a suggestion
May I ask you a quick question?
Sometimes if the kid is happy with himself and the environment , it is easier for him to open up and talk to others. So it is good to check if he is eating ok , red dye foods could have a negative impact , decent sleep , regular exercise or sport , friends , a hobby , sport or some special interest and as I mentioned above positive connections with young adults or older teenagers.
Allan
|