So what should you do instead? Two things. First…figure out what skills your child is lacking and what problems continuously set the stage for your child’s challenging moments. Second…teach those skills and solve those problems.

If you click here, you’ll see the list of skills we frequently find lagging in challenging kids. Take a few moments to look at the list…you’ll probably find many items that describe your child to a tee. We call these “skills that need to be trained,” and if the form of discipline you’ve been using doesn’t teach these skills, then we probably have a good idea about why your child is still challenging.

Next, think about the situations in which your child is having challenging episodes...day after day, week after week, maybe even year after year. During homework? At bedtime? When you want him to brush his teeth? Or come in from playing outside? When it’s time to wake up in the morning? When it’s time to turn off the computer or the TV and come in for dinner? When she’s around her siblings, or her peers? Do most challenging moments occur at school, or on the playground, or in restaurants, or in the car? We call these “problems that have yet to be solved.” If a problem is still setting the stage for challenging episodes, then that’s pretty solid proof that the problem isn’t solved yet.

So now you’re in the skill-teaching and problem-solving business. We don’t have a magic pill for you. In fact, some very hard work lies ahead. But you’re working hard already…we want to make sure you have something to show for all that hard work.