In these next examples, you'll see the father and son talking about another common household problem - screen time. You will watch three different versions of the same conversation. Pause after each one and ask yourself what was missing. One of the most common missteps in Plan B is missing ingredients, Each of the three ingredients is there for an important reason. See if you can spot which one is missing in each of these next three clips:



What was missing in the first example? The Empathy / Understanding step. Dad headed right for his concern without identifying his son's which will of course lead to a solution that only addresses the dad's concern (i.e., Plan A).

How about the second version? Here dad did a nice job of defining the problem by getting both his son's and his own concerns on the table but then jumped to a solution without giving his son a chance to suggest some. What a shame! He missed a good opportunity to see what his son was capable of, give his son some practice, and have his son more invested in the solution as co-author.

And finally, what was wrong with the final version? This was an example of what we call "Drive-by Empathy." Dad flew right through the Empathy / Understanding step. The goal of this step is get the best possible understanding of your child's concern or perspective as you possibly can - which of course takes some time and detective work. Rushing the first step may well be the #1 reason Plan B goes awry. So take your time and ask lots of questions!

Click the arrow above for one last example of Plan B gone awry.